text from kelly...

Some days are harder than others... I got this text in the night from Kelly and knew it was gonna be one of the harder days...

It's 1:30 in morning I can't sleep at all so I will write......
Here are my raw emotions right now.
I am tired. I am tired of hurting from the gall bladder and the surgery. I'm tired of nausea and throwing up. I'm tired of feeling foggy headed. Tired of not wanting anything to drink or eat. I am tired of worrying about my hair falling out again!!! I'm tired of worrying about my eyelashes! I'm tired of worrying about the stupid tumor. I'm tired of worrying about the blood clot and if I have taken my shots today. I am just so tired. It is a kind of tired that can't fight anymore. It's just too hard. My spirits are down and I don't feeling like I can keep doing this. Life will be so much better in heaven.
But then my very next thoughts are..... I have too many people fighting and praying for me to just give up. I have too many friends cheering me on. I have 4 kids that need their mom and a husband I want to grow old with. Life is precious and such a beautiful gift and I want to experience it to its fullest. I do not have time to be sick!!! I have too much to do, to teach, to learn, to see and to experience. I do not want to let any of you down.
Just writing this makes me feel better already. I am going to take this time in the wee early morning to do what I try to teach my kids.....if you can't sleep, pray for all those you know. Please know that I pray for you. Some are heavier on my heart tonight. I am heavy on my own heart. I'm praying for just today. I need to have a good day. For good news. To be a BOLD witness and a fighting spirit for all of us! Thank you God for my friends and my family. Thank you for today!!
And also God, thank you for the lady 30 years older than me at the chemo lounge. Thank you for allowing us to share the same birthday and that our paths crossed again. Thank you for healing her!

On the drive over to Kelly's, we reached out to some of our biggest prayer warriors...knowing it was going to be a heavy hard day.  Once Kim and I got to her house this morning, we discovered Kelly hadn't slept since writing that text.  She was mentally and physically and emotionally exhausted.  We hugged each other tight.  We cried and we prayed hard while holding onto that gold piece of yarn from Nana Gaines.  We took deep breaths and found ways to laugh when we didn't think there would be anything to smile about today.  Amongst all the tears...there were so many blessings our loving Father showed us today.  

As we drove to the chemo lounge to get fluids, we read a blog post (a friend of a friend) who is going through chemo for the first time.  She shared about shaving her head and how difficult it was for her to wear a wig for the first time.  She wrote about how crazy it is that she can wear false eyelashes, colored contacts, tons of make-up, etc...then worry so much about a wig looking natural.  Kelly is losing her hair again with this chemo and as she said above she is really worried about her eyelashes.  Reading this blog after Kim had to give her a buzz cut this morning was no coincidence.  God knew we needed some perspective, some empathy.  In fact, so many things about Jill's blog spoke to us.  Especially when she spoke about forgetting to pray when things are going good and how God orchestrates encounters with complete strangers that benefit both parties giving Him all the Glory!  Thank you Camey for sharing Jill with us today.  

Once we got to the chemo lounge, Tammy had saved our favorite spot...the back corner booth which is the largest with 2 chairs! (cuz kelly always has her entourage with her :))  So the next blessing unfolded quickly...Tammy has told us a couple times about Grace.  She is a young mom battling stage 4 pancreatic cancer just like Kelly.  She was diagnosed in February.  Just as Kelly was a year ago.  She is undergoing treatment with little ones at home.  She wasn't feeling well today and it broke our hearts.  Kelly could see in her eyes how she was feeling...she's been there many times.  Kim and I could identify with her mom...that helpless feeling of just wanting to take it away from her loved one.  Kelly shared with Grace about her experience with treatment and Dr. Savin in hopes to give Grace some hope today.  Another perfectly orchestrated encounter...Grace must have needed that encouragement today and it felt good to give it to her.  To let God's light shine through us and through Kelly's incredible fight.  

Later today, Kelly was blessed with a surprise visit from Trisha...and later on Dawn...some much needed friend time.  Tons of texts from a whole bunch of you loving TK prayer warriors...each one of them offering encouragement and laughter.  They were so good for her soul!   Even now, as she was settling into her bedtime routine, starting to worry about her night and craving sleep without restless tense muscles...Shannon sent her a text saying she was praying for her to get good sleep tonight!  Thank you to Shannon and Marlena for ensuring a good restful night's sleep.  God is taking care of our Kelly.    

So her spirit is broken.  It's time, Team Kelly, for us to build her up.  Let's help her restore that beautiful spirit that warms all of our hearts every time we see Kelly. She has been there for all of us time and time again.  How many times has she blessed you?...with her smile when you were having a good or bad day...with her tight hugs around your neck...with her prayers for you and your family...with her kisses on your babies...with her love-oozing doting compliments to your kids...with her over-exuberant hellos that have probably scared your children at some point!?!  She misses doing these things and so much more. She wants to be enjoying life with her family and all of you.  She wants to feel joy in her heart!  Feeling sorrowful and defeated has taken its toll on her and it is time for us to do something!  Our thoughts today in the chemo lounge were to circle her home while holding hands and lifting her tired worn out spirit to our Lord.  Let's pray fiercely for her spirit to be restored!!  We aren't sure of when we will do this...but very soon we will gather and pray and circle the Stewart home wearing our Team Kelly shirts!!  

Thank you, Team Kelly, for your love and compassion and prayers...always!