A Week of Firsts

This is my first time to post on the blog - at least directly without having to send a message to Carol or Gayla and ask them to post it.

I fear appearing narcissistic, but several close friends have encouraged me to post, if for no other reason than to let everyone know how I'm doing.  I have seldom taken the stage on this blog, and would prefer to keep it that way.  But I'll admit this is cathartic for me and I enjoy sharing when it comes to my favorite subject - Kelly.

The past week was a week of firsts for me.  July 1 is the date of our wedding anniversary - it would have been 18 years!  July 3 was Will's 15th birthday.  So I've made it past two important milestones without Kelly.  During that time, all of my kids were gone - 2 at camp, the other two interloping on other family vacations.  Probably the first time since we started our family that I spent any significant time in an otherwise empty house.  Last night was the first time in 18 years that I watched fireworks without Kelly.  I was always the Ebenezer Scrooge of fireworks shows (seen one you've seen em all) but I wasn't about to miss taking Will and Ben to see the show (thanks by the way to the Jay and Shelley for letting us crash your party!).

There are a lot more firsts to come, and I'm sure it will get easier.  But for now it's very difficult.  It just feels like a part of you has been amputated.  The impulse to ask "what did you think about that?"  To take a picture and text it, forgetting why she's not there to share it with you in the first place.  It's maddening.  Just being in public without her is bizarre.  Most of the time being out with her was like being with a celebrity, and on the very rare occasion that we ran into people I knew but she didn't, I took such great joy in sharing her with them.  I was always just so proud of her and proud she was with me!

This morning I made my first trip since her death to "ground zero" - the infusion lab at TX Oncology Medical City - affectionately referred to by Team Kelly as the "Chemo Lounge."  It was surreal pulling into a parking space and working up the nerve to go in.  I had an errand to run there, and a good friend to visit, so I decided to put some of the memorial fund money to good use and honor Kelly's memory.  On chemo days, she would often insist that I stop and get breakfast, usually bagels, and deliver them to the staff.  So I bought pastries from Stein's Bakery and about $70 worth of candy to fill up the candy jars for patients and their families.  It's still amazing the impact that Kelly had on all the staff members there!  They hugged me the way they used to hug her.  I guess this is the best way to share her now!

Things change, and I know it will just take a long time to get used to it.  I pray for God's grace, and I thank him every day for my children, in whom so much of her lives on.  The very essence of her being is there in the flesh and blood of Will, Ben, Sam and Ella.

To Kelly's friends - if you ever just popped in to visit, called, texted, emailed, whatever - know that you're welcome to do so even now.  It won't be the same - I get that.  I came home recently to a backyard full of sister-in-laws, nieces, friends and their kids all sitting around the pool and knew immediately it's what she would have wanted.  It felt right.  Different, but right.

Like our dear friend Julie wrote me recently, "I guess it will always be sad, and it will always be happy."  Hopefully over time more happy than sad.

Stay tuned as we work on Team Kelly going forward - Kelly was certain that her journey needed to make a difference in people's lives, and she did not want that to end with her death.  We are working on honing the mission and will reach out to everyone in the near future to fill you in.  Please continue to share this blog with anyone you think might be touched by it.

-Jason

Happy (Late) Father’s Day 2013

As we all try and figure out what to do with Kellybridge, and what direction to take Team Kelly now, I wanted to use the forum to say some special thank you’s to some important men in my life.

Father’s Day came and went last weekend, and as usual we spent most of our time on the baseball field.  I actually tried not to spend a whole lot of time thinking about the occasion at hand.  In fact, I must admit I purposely avoided calling even my own dad to wish him a happy Father’s Day.  I sent my kids off in different directions and spent the afternoon doing lawn work and trying not to think about the new meaning that the word “dad” has taken on for me.

So without further ado…

To Larry Davis and Dink Norris:  Happy Father’s Day and thank you for the gift of my two brothers-in-law, Blake and Kevin.  You should be proud of the men you raised.  Both have been there to hold me up as my strength waned and my courage faltered. 

To Blake and Kevin:  Happy Father’s Day and thank you for the gift of your own children.  For Meg and Cole; for Tatum, Jill and Cate.  You too should be proud of your precious children.

To the fathers of all those men and women that have been there for me and my family, and fathers of all the boys and girls that have been there for my kids (see my post from last year – Buena Gente) Happy Father’s Day and thank you for the gift of friendship.

To Ken: Happy Father’s Day!  I’m so proud of you.  I learned a ton from you about being a good friend, husband and father.  I never told you that but it’s true.

To Papaw:  Happy Father’s Day and thank you for Kim and Carol.  Like sisters I never had, and able to bring a little piece of Kelly into my home each time you're here.       

And thank you for most for the gift of Kelly, the sunshine of my life. 

And to Pops:  Happy Father’s Day!  Thanks for my brother Ken.

Thanks for your faithfulness to mom.

Thanks for your honesty.

Thanks for your friendship.

Thanks for the work you’ve done for us over the years, and for teaching me how do to do it too.

Thanks for making sure none of the kids had to play a game without someone to cheer them on.

Thanks for treating Kelly like she was your own.

When I was younger and people would ask what I wanted to do in life, I always used to tell them I wanted to be a great husband and dad.  I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I do know that I want to be just like you.  Thanks for preparing me for the most important moments of my life.  I love you!

Happy (Late) Father’s Day, Team Kelly! 

TEAM KELLY Memorial Fund & Reception Directions

(Please see the corrected memorial fund information)

We are happy to announce that the Team Kelly Memorial Fund has been established at North Dallas Bank & Trust Co. Friends can honor Kelly's life and legacy by supporting something that she dearly cared for, supporting patients with pancreatic cancer and their families.

If you wish to make a donation to the fund, please follow these instructions:

1. Please make checks payable to "JASON B. STEWART - Team Kelly Memorial Fund"
2. Mail donations to "North Dallas Bank & Trust Co., Team Kelly Memorial Fund, 7660 N. MacArthur Blvd., Irving, TX 75063
3. You can also make a donation at any North Dallas Bank & Trust Co.'s five locations, including the Frisco location, 7359 Preston Road at Stonebrook Parkway.

If you have any questions, please feel free to call Chazleigh Starks at 972-716-7243 or email chazleigh.starks@ndbt.com.

Below is a printable map with directions from the church to the reception at Haggard Farm.

Kelly's Memorial Service details...

The service arrangements for Kelly have been finalized.  

Please take a few moments to read and 

share the following information:

A memorial service celebrating Kelly's life will be held on 

Wednesday, June 5th at 2:30pm 

at Stonebriar Church in Frisco, Texas 

Reception immediately following 

at the Haggard Farm 

(just off the Dallas North Tollway and Windhaven in Plano)

Feel free to help us celebrate Kelly's valiant fight 

by wearing something with a splash 

of purple...or anything colorful and bright!

If you choose to send flowers, they can be delivered to Stonebriar Church on Wednesday.

A subsequent blog post will provide information for 

Memorial Gifts, should you wish to honor 

Kelly's memory in this special way.

Thank you, Team Kelly, for your continued prayers for our family. We hope to see you on Wednesday!

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day..."
2 Timothy 4:7-8

It is with the heaviest hearts that we share with you the news of Kelly's home going today.   Surrounded by her sweet family, our Kelly stepped into Heaven a little after 5:00 PM.

Her family is using this time to be together and begin the process of planning and preparing for the days ahead.  Please pray for them as a new tender journey begins.

Thank you, Team Kelly, for your tireless love, incomparable support, and countless prayers. We know that our loving Father heard every prayer and will in the days ahead.

We will update you with service times and plans as soon as they become available.

On behalf of our precious Kelly, thank you for love.

shape worry into prayers...

I worry...constantly...about kelly, her kids, jason, blake, my kids, my parents, kim and her family, all of TK.  It's only natural I guess.  It's exhausting, but it's what we do as sisters and moms.  Upon leaving the hospital Wednesday, I was sick to my stomach with worry and then God interceded.  One of Kelly's dearest friends texted this...
Celebrate God all day, every day.  I mean, revel in Him!  Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side...working with them and not against them.  Help them see that the Master is about to arrive.  He could show up any minute!  Don't fret or worry.  Instead of worrying, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.  Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.  It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.  Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious--the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.  Put into practice what you have learned from Me, what you heard and saw and realized.  Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into His most excellent harmonies.
Phil 4:4-9 The Message
I can't say I won't worry, but when I do I will try very hard to turn those worries into prayers praising Him and trusting Him.

I was looking through some old photos and this one grabbed me.  We rarely take pictures together...only on Christmas Eve it seems.  I guess our faces are typically behind the camera snapping shots of our kids.  I just love this tight squeeze.  I could never put into words how much love I have for my sisters...but I think you can see it in this pic.  

Team Kelly...You give God so much glory in all that you do for our sweet Kelly.  The texts, emails, calls, visits and outpouring love is overwhelming and holds each one of us up.  Please know that Kelly has a very peaceful spirit right now.  She is resting and spending some much needed time with her family.  Please continue lifting her up and loving her through each day.  

kelly is home...

Good evening Team Kelly warriors!

We are so happy to celebrate Kelly's release from the hospital. She left this afternoon feeling much better. Her energy and her spirits were up, though she is quite tired from her time there. 

She came home with some very important doctor's orders that we knew you would want to know...very simply stated, Kelly needs rest!  On top of that, after a stint away from home, she needs some fun time catching up with her sweet kids who have been so patient through these days. 

So we are asking you all for two very special favors.  First, please pray for greater strength and energy as she continues her fight. Her meds are helping dramatically and we need this to continue. Secondly, please show Kelly your love and support with your notes, texts, emails and prayers. She needs to have limited visits for now and doesn't need to be exposed to any unnecessary germs. 

You all are the greatest team of friends and prayer warriors that the world has ever known. Let's continue to cheer Kelly through this fight and allow her some much needed rest and family time as we head into the summer. 

If you would like to stop by or drop something off at the house, please call or text one of her sisters before you go. 

Carol 214-392-2254
Kim 214-507-8073

Thank you for always praying and always fighting with Kelly!